It is fair to presume that each of us struggles with feelings of worthiness that conflict with feelings of shame. Shame is that feeling that there is something wrong with you inherently. Worthiness is a feeling counter to shame. Learning how to identify and unwind our self-concepts of shame and transform them into concepts of absolute worth is a challenging and sometimes exhausting process. And acceptance is the key to the unwinding of those knots. Feelings of shame are intertwined with our desire to be approved of, just as explicitly as our feelings of self worth. Learning where to place the power in the world or our inner dialogues is where some of our most profound work can be done. Knowing how to answer questions like, What voices are the most important to listen to? Which voices serve that which is life enhancing? Which voices serve as accepting, forgiving, and life empowering? Which voices walk you closer to the line of liability and regret? As we become more familiar with our voices, we become more capable of skillfully walking in the knowledge of our liabilities, but not being derailed by them.
No one is perfect. No one is without liability, without mistakes, without transgressions of their most integrous being. And alongside that, is the truth uttered by Brene Brown “there are no prerequisites for worthiness”. Just being alive makes you worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of peace, worthy of satisfaction, worthy of happiness, worthy of security, and on the list goes. You are enough.
Being enough as you are does not mean there is not still room to grow, but it does mean there is a baseline of worthiness and self approval to stand on. This baseline is a powerfully strong platform from which to launch a whole and ultimately peaceful life. Choosing to accept who you are, approve of yourself as an ever evolving human, and not shame yourself or others along the way is a great recipe for happiness. I recommend it!
Learning to love ourselves without condition is a process, and one worth undertaking. Such love does not mean that we are exempt from learning to be more discerning, mindful, loving people in thought, feeling, and action, it just means that we also know we can love ourselves and receive love wherever, and whoever we are. Such unconditional love replaces the stories of shame that say people wouldn’t want to love us if they really knew us, with the mantra that as we are, we are enough.
The need for approval is just as important as the need for love. The fundamental fact of the matter in regards to being approved of is that we set the standards for the measurements of approval that we need to meet.
You are enough.
With Love, Always, In All Ways, For Giving,