Today my mind swirls and twirls like a whirling dervish, somewhere between earth and the heavens I am suspended in time and space, to feel. Feeling deeply the yearning and unrest of the whole of civilization as I dive deep into the web of information that links us all so closely, yet somehow keeps us so far apart. Another tragic day here on planet earth. Yet in the midst of the tragic news are pebbles of delight, photographs and stories of great humanity and spirit, art work and words that propel deeper introspection and questioning of the boundary of reality, while displaying only beauty, even as it appears to be otherwise. Reading and reading and reading my mind cannot be satiated. News of the world, news of my hometown, books, magazines, philosophy and spirituality, no time for fiction today, the end of the Mayan calendar, the end of the world, Facebook (which I actually loath, because I believe in real life socializing) blog posts and of course news of the sad story of the elementary school in Connecticut. There is almost no way to string all of these thoughts together into something that makes sense, yet i keep searching, looking, seeking the gem that will help me feel more peaceful about the shape of things.
The shape of things. It rings so loud through my entire being. The shape of things. What is the shape of things exactly? That's what I keep trying to make out, and for all my searching, there just isn't much to hold onto.
As a yogi I align myself to the belief that willing and receptive openness to the constant fluctuation of change that I cannot control will allow me to feel peace in times of challenge and upheaval. Through the experiences of my life I have been able to experience this, as well as the states which are not this because of resistance in its many forms. Though I believe these things I feel scared, frightened, nervous, and unsettled, as I farm for information and, at the same time, I also feel entirely hopeful that the human race will rise to the challenge of BEING human.
The shape of things is always changing.
There was a time when I did not study yoga. I reflect on myself then as an insensitive and not very mindful person with poor integrity and low self esteem. It wasn't that I was something then that I am not now, just that I had not had the opportunity to even pursue that kind of self development. Being a child of the new millennium means so many different things. As a young person I acknowledged that there was a gap in the way that my friends and I saw the world versus the way our parents and their contemporaries or even more drastic their parents saw the world. It wasn't hard to see why, the world had changed so much since they were born. I was born in the era of MTV and Nintendo, nuclear bombs and Apocalypse films, during high school it became fashionable to come out of the closet, whether you liked it or not, we all listened to rap music.. Nowadays children are being born into a world with the question of will the world still be around in a few decades, looming over their heads. Discounting human myths and fairy tales, the oh so real situation of global warming, excessive use of not replenish-able natural resources, the failing economy, natural disasters left right and center, school shootings, this is the story of their childhood. It is clear to me the differences in our childhoods as I acknowledge more and more that I don't see children playing outside all that often anymore, and as video games have become extremely awesome in their technological advances, who could blame them.
When I was a disgruntled angst filled teenager there was one song that seemed to tie it all together. That song came from a time I was convinced I should have participated in, as I watched those around me ignorantly enjoy the end of Bill Clinton's economical paradise. (Looking back, even though I was in high school, I see how much more people had then, how much easier it was, even for those of us who had very little, oh Monica...) I just couldn't understand how thousands of people could create a movement of peace love and happiness and then turn into capitalist money grubbing pigs, I still don't quite frankly, and I couldn't understand how the people of my generation were more interested in glam and reality t.v., than what was so wrong with people. The first high school shooting in America happened while I was pondering these questions, I was a senior in high school. Those years were horrible years, school shootings, Federal Building Bombings, the first Trade Center Bombing, this was part of the back drop of my generations youth. It still was so curious to me why in all the thousands of years on this planet together, we hadn't worked out how to get along. That's why the hippies left me so disappointed, and yet one of their anthems still echoed in my head.
"Come mothers and fathers throughout the land,
and don't criticize what you don't understand,
your sons and your daughters are beyond your command,
your old road is rapidly fading,
so get out of the new, if you can't lend a hand,
for the times, they are a' changin."
Today I just scoured the internet and books I have at home, looking for something to bring it all together, to help me make sense of this sad and senseless world. I found a slide show of twenty three pictures of things that will rebuild your hope in humanity, I watched you tube flash mobs, and read reflections and opinions on gun control. In the end, it seems to me that it's all just changing, and changing so fast we can hardly keep up.
The Yogi in me knows that this material plane is a place of magic and mystery for the eternal and divine to manifest and dissolve, only to manifest again into something new. The Yogi in me knows that change is the only constant, and willingness and receptiveness, allowance and acceptance lead to more peace.
My heart aches non the less. I feel tired of this story. It seems to me, that we all are.
I've been tired of this story for a long time, and that is why I was an angst filled loud mouth teenager, an opinionated searching adolescent, a wild and spontaneous young adult, and now a disciplined and free woman. It is in our questioning and our rebellion that we find deeper meaning, that we connect to more than what is on the surface, and we come to understand what it is to be in peace.
My heart yearns for a world of greater respect and honor. A world of self respect that comes from sincere gratitude for the blessed gift of living. My heart yearns for a world of guidelines rather than rules, because humans have lived up to their capacity to self abide and respond with sensitivity. This is not the world we live in. We live in a world where poor integrity and greed and selfish scheming are honored, where truth and honesty are put out like last years iPhone. Where things are all replaceable and disposable, whether they are or not, without thought of action or consequence, where no one is held accountable, from religious leaders to public servants, to even our selves as we gain weight, lose weight, cut ourselves up with knives or words, dampen our lights with drugs and alcohol, smash our spirits and the spirits of others with our carelessness in thoughts, words, and deeds. Another sad day on planet earth.
However I have hope in man kind. I have hope that one day man kind will recognize his ability to think for himself, to feel for himself, to act for himself, with mindfulness, respect, honor, and love.
I believe in the words and the lives of men and women like Mother Theresa and Gandhi, Jesus and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Songs like Imagine and Axis Bold as Love, songs like The Times They Are A Changin. I believe that we have not let Jesus Christ hang out on a cross for two thousand years, to not work this one out. He's up there for your sins they say, but then when does that make me accountable? (Jesus was the number one rebel and questioner.) I believe that each and every human has the capacity to love and be loved, to be happy and safe and to know peace, but none of us can do it alone.
We all live here together, we have to be in it together, despite what separates us, we have to remember what connects us. This planet connects us, and without her we are nothing. The whole story of the history of man kind connects us, we share the entire burden of the poor choices we have made. The story we write for the future generations, will either tell of the beautiful community we fostered or the continuing destruction of the divide and conquer tactic. There is no need to be like everyone, but recognizing with love that which connects us and that which makes us different allows for more peace.